Football, bloody hell - part 7

De Jong says Man City has replaced Chelsea as a team everyone hates. Why can’t a man simply hate two teams at a time?

Arsene Wenger insists that Cesc and Nasri will be staying. Yes – Nasri in an apartment in Manchester and Fabregas at a villa in Barcelona.

Juventus Manager Marotta admits interest in Rossi. Elton John admits interest in Marotta.

Hamburg wants Liverpool’s Joe Cole. Apparently, the high fitness level of their players is driving the medical team into depression.

Nicholas Anelka says he won’t be forced out of the Chelsea team . He plans to leave voluntarily.

Wenger says he is not stubborn. And Balotelli is Buddha.

Inter Milan use Eto’o cash to bid for Real Madrid star Kaka and three small countries in Africa.

Football, bloody hell - part 6

Birmingham striker Jerome wants his club to splash cash during the transfer market. Considering his form, they do need a replacement.

Roberto Carlos says Roma striker Adriano could still make Corinthians move. With the weight he has put on, he can move pretty much anything.

Real Madrid want Las Palmas star Viera - plus two teammates. Why don’t they just bid for the club as a whole and save the trouble?

Manchester City want Milan veteran Pirlo. News of the World claims that the next on their list is the British Museum.

Cole fires an air rifle during training. Balotelli throws a dart at a youth team player. Rooney, I hear, was seen pushing a cannon to Carrington last evening.

Dawson keen to use Spurs experience to strengthen grip on England spot. Yes of course. The bench is one place where England lacks in depth.

Brazilian Rogerio Ceni became the first ever goalkeeper in world football to score 100 goals. Abrahamovic now wants to sign him to replace the misfiring Torres.